To all the guys I've loved before

I've been thinking about how fortunate I am to have some wonderful men in my life. 

There were my Grandpas, Asahel (the tall one) and Otto (the short German) who were an integral part of my life as I was growing up. They lived just around the corner from me and across the street from each other. I couldn't have been more spoiled if I'd asked to be!

 

Then there is my Dad  ------------------------> As many of you know he had a very rough summer. He's a very wise person, he encourages learning. In fact, when I was accepted to graduate school he was the first person I told, because I knew he would be most excited. Dad could do anything when I was younger. He could fix it, make it, adjust it, figure it out, bend it without breaking it, and bake it to perfection. He can't quite do what he used to do, but he still does pretty well.

 

 Next is my baby brother, Joel. I love calling him my baby brother, because he's far from a baby!! He stands 6'5" and he used to be a lineman in high school. He is my dealer when it comes to books and reading. Somehow, even with all he does with his family and business he finds time to search out some great books. I know that when I am short on reading material I have only to make one phone call and I'll be set!

 

 Then comes my husband. He is the best man for me, no question. Neither of us has had the easiest time when it comes to our previous lives, but together (for us) is better. He is smart, happy, level headed and totally in love with me!!

Last, are my boys! Brennan, Jeffrey, and Josh. Jeff is my only biological son, I was fortunate enough to get Brennan and Josh along with Gary. All of them, smart, happy and good to the women in their lives (moms, significant others and their one sister).

So, what is all this leading up to, you may ask (or you may be hoping I'm finished..but no)? Back to my thinking.....

I did a lot of dating between my marriages, something I didn't do much of (ok, didn't do ANY of) in high school and I have discovered that good men, like the ones in my life, are few and far between. 

I dated men who still lived with their parents, who were jobless and mooching, who were only after a quick trip to the bedroom (oh, yeah, that was a short lived trip for them with me), who lied about their age, weight and marital status (that is another post in and of itself).

Suffice it to say, one amusing conversation with the wife of a married (unbeknownst to me until the call) man I went out with once was enough for me to nearly call on a PI every time I had a date planned.

There were men who told me I was raising my children wrong, I even had one tell me that the reason my son wouldn't "fight" a bully was because he was a mama's boy and didn't have a good male influence in his life. 

Um...hey, doofus, guess who taught that boy to throw/catch a football AND all the rules to the game?? 

Yeah, not you, fool! 

Then there were the totally physical guys, the ones that would tell you they'd love to take you home and spend the night, but had to be sure they were awake in time for church meeting at 7. 

Wow, how gullible do you think I am?? 

One of my favorite lines by some egotistical, self-centered type, after a great kiss or some sort of crazy make out session was "I bet no one has ever done THAT for you huh??"

What the hell? Do you think I've been celibate for the last 30 years??

Guys, do you really think you're the ONLY one who can do  "that" to a girl??

Then there were the guys who talked big but could never, NEVER follow through on anything they claimed they were good at doing, getting, or accomplishing.  It was one constant let down after another.

After two failures to do anything you've said you can or will do, why should I believe anything else that comes out of your mouth, that does nothing but offer lip service??

All of this said, my cousin has told me that I should write a book about my dating experiences, sadly, it wouldn't be much different than many of the other books you see about women and dating and the subsequent disasters that typically occur. 

To all the guys I've "loved" before....take a lesson:

I think the difference between me and whatever girl it was that settled on you could be that I have ALWAYS had good, honest, reliable, real, happy, smart, stable, men who have been an influence for good in my life. Because of them I won't settle for being treated any less than I should be - by ANY man at ANY time.

Pulling back Thyme

Shhhh, don't tell guitar class I'm writing, they think I'm doing grades while they practice....

With summer coming to a close I had to get my yard in shape for fall, this included; pulling up my garden, mowing the grass shorter, cutting the herbs and rhubarb back to the ground, and winterizing the pond. I love working outside (provided its not too hot), I love the smell of dirt and cut grass and fallen leaves and that kind of rich, almost musty smell of things around the pond that are damp and in a state of starting to rot and form the stuff that is so good for the garden.

I have a parking strip, you know, that strip of grass that never stays green because you cant water it enough because the heat from the asphalt street slams it all summer making it look like straw. However, a few years ago, I killed off all the grass and put in sandstone rocks and a plant called creeping thyme. This stuff is GREAT!  It needs next to no water and it looks good. In the spring it flowers all purple and is quite a sight, the rest of the summer its green....and creeps. 

The problem is that it creeps and covers up all of my rocks, so by this time of year it starts looking like this  (Ok, it doesnt look bad, but I paid good money for the rocks and I think they should be seen).

Where the difficulty lies (and this entails me admitting I'm not as young as I once was) is that pulling the thyme back from the rocks means I have to get down on my hands and knees and crawl around on rocks for the better part of an hour.  As I started doing this a few weeks ago I made some parallels.

Sometimes, pulling back thyme is difficult. There are often places where it is so overgrown and intertwined that it hurts my hands.

I know that soon I'm going to have to pull back time and remember some things I don't want to remember, but doing so is going to pave the way to Gary and I being sealed...and there is nothing I want more in life right now, than that.

In pulling back thyme I exposed some ugly little bugs, that scared me...and a few that crawled right up my arm!

  I know that bugs are going to interfere with my pulling back time, they will make me jump back and want to walk away from what has to be done because they are gross or ugly or could bite, but I have to look past them to the end result.

More than once I had to get up from my knees and empty out the overgrowth from the clean up bucket.

I'm sure that in pulling back time I'm going to have to convince my knees to bend and allow someone to clear the overgrowth of fear and doubt from my mind.

While I was pulling back the thyme I looked around and realized that some of my rocks had been completely covered over and lost.

Sometimes, losing or forgetting time isn't a bad thing. Right now, I wish I could be allowed to leave some of these "rocks" in my life covered over, it would mean less heartache. But I guess there must be a purpose in the requirement of "clearing the rocks"....I just wish I knew better what it was.

After and hour, and then some, I finished and I looked back on my parking strip. I could see the rocks, not necessarily their jagged edges, but that they were all there, and that they each played an integral part the landscape of the parking strip. I'm glad I only have to do this a couple of times a summer, it's hard on my knees and rough on my hands. But the end result is something unique and beautiful.

I guess its time to do what is necessary,

and pull back time.

Listening....huh?...I said, L-I-S-T-E-N-I-N-G

Listen: to pay attention to sound, to give consideration
Hear: to perceive or apprehend by ear

Listening is a lost art.

No, you say? I beg to differ. When was the last time you listened? I mean really listened? What did your child ask you today? What bird did you hear outside your open window this morning? Can you tell me the kind of plane that flew over your house a few minutes ago (did you even realize one did)? 

I blame the lack of listening on too much sound, noise, if you will. For a very few of us (I would not be one) it is possible to open your window and not hear traffic noise. One day I want a place where I can do that.

I remember performing in Scottsbluff, Nebraska one fall. The town hosted us and we were assigned out to various homes in the area where we would spend the night. I don't remember the name of the couple that I stayed with but what I do remember is going to a very large house on the outskirts of Scottsbluff. There were two things about this house that struck me; first, was the ungodly amount of knicknacks, none of which had a single speck of dust on them (how she kept them clean was beyond me, she must have been dusting constantly). Second, was the silence out there on the prairie, it was almost disconcerting. 

My room had a small patio attached to it with a sliding glass door that I cracked open for ventilation. After I turned out the light I could see out the door to the prairie sky...it was endless and there was not a sound. It was too cold for crickets, there was no road anywhere close, there were no trees (after all, it was Nebraska). Just as I was drifting off my ears heard something, being a city girl, it unnerved me. I sat up and focused my ears - I heard it a second time, no doubt, it was a coyote howling out there on the prairie.

It scared me - wolves are one of my biggest fears (a blog post for another day), and while a coyote is not a wolf, it was close enough for me. However, as I think back on it I feel fortunate to have heard that sound. If I had been plugged in to a walkman (no ipods then folks) I would have missed out on this beautiful, lonesome, haunting howl. 

My job requires me to listen. If I didn't, or couldn't, I would be an ineffectual teacher, it would be pointless for me to be in the classroom. There are times I think my students are ineffectual because they don't listen! Then I remember, most of them don't know HOW to listen. They are always plugged in (and I'm sorry, this just doesn't count as listening), texting (which doesn't require their ears, but try asking a kid who is texting to do something), or multitasking in some form. 

I have to be VERY pointed when it comes to a "listening" day in my classroom. No phones, no paper, no pencil, NOTHING in hands, no talking. The interesting thing is many of these kids can't do it. They can't just sit and listen. They become restless, some even become agitated.

It only hits home to them when it comes to concert time, when they realize, as they look out into the audience, that their friends and family who have come to support and (supposedly) listen to them are out there playing games on an ipod, reading a book, or socializing.These student musicians have worked hard to learn and perfect a product for people to listen to, and sadly, few people out there are actually listening.  

This "lack of listening" has caused a decline in the quality of what we listen to. It has caused rifts in families, it has caused agreements to be breached, it has caused failure in marriage, it has caused government breakdown. Is there anything more important than listening? I'm sure some of you will argue the point, which is fine - I will listen to your argument, but I stand by the statement I make many times a year in class - God gave us ONE mouth and TWO ears...which tells me that engaging our ears and listening (not just hearing) is of far more importance than opening our mouths and wagging our tongue.

So - can YOU do it? Can you sit and do nothing but listen? Choose what to listen to. A good start might be a child or a spouse, or you could open a window and identify what is out there by ear. Be prepared to be uncomfortable, it is different to listen, especially if you're one that tends to be doing 10 things at once while trying to hear something or what someone is saying. Don't judge, don't comment, don't try to fix the problem unless you are specifically asked, don't type, don't text, don't sew, don't simply mute the tv - turn it off, don't fold, don't slice, don't wipe the counter....stop.....just listen. 

My Wedding Dress Was Green...but the fit is Sweatshirt Comfy

I had the pleasure of going into downtown SLC this past week - something I should do more often, but don't take the time. I love downtown! It is a beautiful place, new buildings going up, huge flower gardens and people watching is so much fun.

I was waiting to meet a friend of mine for dinner, and while I was waiting I took up an observation post just east of the Joseph Smith Memorial Building and south of the big fountain by the Church Office Building. I had a perfect view of the "temple pedestal" you know, where all the cute little brides stand with their dashing new husband and can have the temple in the back ground, proving to everyone that they "did it right" and everything is going to be "perfect."

Uh huh....go with that.....

Many of you know I've been married three times, yes, that's right, THREE (3).

My Wedding Dress Was White.....

My first husband and I married when I was 19. I "did it right, " I had the return missionary, the temple wedding, the white dress (my moms actually), the obscenely huge reception and I had the pedestal picture, I was sure it was all going to be perfect. It wasn't. I will never say that good things didn't come from that marriage - I have my two kids - they're awesome! I learned a great many things. It was not a one sided failing, we both blew it, I freely admit to my part in it not working out.

I watched, on Wednesday night, a number of brides in their white dresses doing the pedestal picture and wondered how many would really, really make the effort to make their marriage work. I wondered how many would end up tossing that white wedding dress in anger, frustration and disappointment and walking away from the marriage.

My Wedding Dress Was Winter White.....

My second marriage was one born of desperation. I was pretty much left with nothing after my first divorce, and I dont mean "nothing" in a physical sense, I mean nothing in a 'me' sense. I felt pretty worthless. This was not entirely due to the divorce, there were a number of other things causing my self-loathing, but the divorce was a big blow. So, I married a man who was less that what I deserved. The mental abuse served to beat me down further, but I really tried to make a go of it. Finally, enough was enough....4 years of being beaten down was it - no more....done.

As I watched the procession of brides at the pedestal, followed by groups of mutual girls with their leaders and even a quincenanera party...smile...laugh...pose...laugh....I thought about how many of them would find themselves compromising their standards just to be married. I wondered who would end up with a black eye every few weeks, or be told they couldn't leave the house looking like that, or opting for a lifestyle they were not comfortable with just so they wouldn't be 'alone' or left behind. I shook my head a little, hoping they would make decisions that would make them happy and fulfilled....but I know few of them will truly find that path without much risk and heartache.

My Wedding Dress Was Green.....

Almost a year ago I met a man. No, really! A real, honest to goodness, hard working, honest, kind, genuine, handsome, happy, down-to-earth, man. By the time we met I had brought myself to the point of no-compromise, there would be no giving up, on my part, of anything I wanted in a husband - none, ZIP! 

Guess what....I didn't have to. 

I've never been a big believer in "the one", you know...you're made JUST for each other and all of that blah-blah stuff, and I'm not into the sappy romance crap. But guess who found me?? A man who is perfect for me. We just fit. Nerd for nerd, geek for geek, reader for reader, learner for learner, foible for foible. Almost from the time we first met I was comfortable with him. Being with him was like wearing my favorite sweatshirt, the one I have totally broken in, that is soft and warm and fits juuuuuuuuuust right.

I think that the event is so focused upon (especially here in happy happy Utah, insert eye roll here), that the process of getting to the event, and the need to see past the event are overlooked. Not easy things to do, I know.

I watched all of the girls wandering past me that night, the ones that stood on the pedestal, and I hoped, very, very hard, that they would be able to see past the desire for a "white wedding dress" marriage and settle for nothing less than a "favorite sweatshirt" marriage. 

Whirlwind Weekend

It's the last weekend before school officially starts - we kicked it off by making a whirlwind trip to St. George to watch the Jags take on Hurricane (not to be confused with Hurricane Irene taking on the east coast)

Gary and I left Friday early afternoon, we stopped in Nephi for lunch at a place called the "One Man Band" Diner. It was a quirky little place - kinda set up like The Training Table where you call in your food order from a phone at your table, but it's a much smaller, intimate setting. We ended up chatting with one of the local Nephi policemen who was at a table with (what sounded like) the high school football coach, one of his assistants and one of the high school assistant basketball coaches. It was fun to listen to them talk and interject on a few sports related subjects I was comfortable with.

We left there joking that we were going to have to retire to a place where, on Friday afternoons, we could go and shoot the breeze with the locals at a small cafe.

When we arrived in St. George we started worrying about how hot it was (the car said 105) outside, and how we were going to sit through a football game!! Before the game we headed to my sisters house to see her and her cute family. 

This is me with cute little Hailee

I got to sit and hold Hailee. She was born August 8th - shes SOOOOO CUTE!!! Except she wouldn't open her eyes and look at me!

 Her big sister Hayden is soooo excited to have her around, she is her mom's big helper for sure....right, Kel?? Hee hee

We had dinner - taco salad and fruit and my sisters famous lemon poppyseed cake - to DIE for! Yum! Hayden was more worried about me seeing her "big girl" room than eating, but I think she managed to eat some fruit before getting Aunt Jenna out of the couch and down the hall to see everything.

After dinner we picked up Reillys' friend and headed to Dixie college where the boys were playing ball. Jace rode with Gary and I, he thought our car wasn't big enough and figured we should have a bigger one so we could fit more people. I couldn't bear telling him we were not exactly a growing family and didn't really need a bigger car.

Lance, Reilly, her friend and Jace at the game.

It was really fun to have them come to the football game with us. It was miserable hot for a while, but worse than the heat was that the concrete steps we were sitting on were hot - serious cooked buns!!! But, the clouds covered up the sun, and while it was still hot, it was bearable. We all enjoyed the game, mostly.... Jace actually spent most of it playing on his DS and wanting to know how soon the 4th quarter was so we could start walking over to see Jeff. He was pretty patient for the most part, he just wanted to see Jeff.

 

Jace and Jeff

As you can see, Jace got his wish :) I'm sure if he could have climbed on the bus with the big boys so he could hang with Jeff he would have.

It was a good trip, quick, but good. It was fun to see everyone.

Well, time to chill for a while and get my "Qi" in order for the beginning of the school year!

Time to be a tree

Gary and I went to Yellowstone this past weekend  - a much needed getaway. As we traveled through the park I was amazed at all of the new trees, even though this park and many of its formations and geological wonders are exceptionally old, the park had a feeling of "starting over" if you will.

I'm not one that likes to quit, nor do I like having to do things over a 2nd or 3rd time because I didn't get it right in the first place. But the trees had me thinking....am I really doing things over? Or am I just giving myself a clean slate and a new start? Or is anything completely new?

The fires that ravaged Yellowstone in the late 80's left nothing but burned out sticks for miles and miles and miles of hillside. To be honest, it looks pretty desolate and ugly. I remember visiting Yellowstone VERY briefly in 1996 after my sister's wedding reception in Newdale, Idaho. I couldn't believe the desolate waste that was left. I couldn't imagine how this place would ever look good again.

For those of you who don't know my husband, he is an outdoors/scout/wealth of knowledge type guy. As we drove and hiked Yellowstone I learned a lot of things from him - for example.....fireweed.

This pretty pink flower is one of the first things to return to a forest following a fire. He said that after a fire it pops up very quickly and that the hillsides that were devastated were soon covered in pink. It thrives in a place where resources have been depleted and keeps the hillside from eroding away too much. Because so much time has passed since the big fires this flower has almost disappeared again - it cant compete with the other plants.

Anyway...back to my tree thoughts.

As we hiked I saw this amazing array of tree life in its various stages (prepare for the mutated photo essay). I tried to take these pictures so you could get my perspective, I'm not a photographer by any stretch of the imagination, so I hope this comes out ok.

While this is not the smallest tree I saw, it worked out to be in the right place at the right time. When fires go through a pine forest the pinecones drop and open to release their seeds. There is no other natural way for these pinecones to open for various varieties of tree (as far as I understand). So for this little tree to have a start, it literally has to come through fire. I've had my share of fires to go through, and I know that I have left behind many things that protected me but have come out with new thinking, ideas and ways of doing things for the better.

I know the colors blend some, but in the right side of this picture you see the first little tree compared to its sibling who has been growing a bit longer. Interesting how the perspective changes, isnt it. In the picture above he looks like a solid, decent size tree, but really he didn't come up much higher than my knee. His sibling has obviously made some great strides since the fire....There are ideas, methods and ways of doing things that are in a different place following my (many) personal fires, they have a more solid look and feel to them and I'm more comfortable with them.

Here are the two little trees in the front, with a much more mature tree behind them. Again, you now see how much growth they need to have before they are well established. There are things in my life that are well established, that will continue to grow and be a force in keeping the "new growth" safe from harsh winds and over exposure.

Can you find the little trees?? Sometimes my new experiences and thoughts can be overshadowed by the old, more established things that I am more comfortable with...and once in a while, that is ok. There is nothing wrong with holding onto the things we are comfortable with, as long as we know when we need to be nurturing the new.

This burned out tree was a ways off of the other trees, but it may be the tree that seeded these others. How can the old, established things in our ways be a way to "seed" the new? Well, for example, my love of learning led me to a workshop this summer that will help me implement "new" things in my classroom and while my love of learning will not burn up and go away I certainly will be shedding old ways of thinking.

Last, the old things go by the wayside, but help nurture the new with their decomposition. By realizing the way I used to do things and understanding their effective or ineffectiveness I can help my new ways of thinking and understanding to grow.

In thinking about it now, I'm glad I've been done over by fire once or twice. Glad that I've had new ideas and ways of doing things "pop" open in he midst of trauma and disaster, grateful for the old nurturing the new, but secure in letting the old go when it was time.

Is it time for you to be a tree??

Heel and Hero

It has been three of the longest days I think I've ever had. I come to the end of today totally conflicted.

Dad - 

Its been 12 weeks and one day since Dad went to the hospital. He doesn't remember a lot of that time (about 3 or 4 weeks according to him). I think a lot of the time he doesn't recall is the time he spent in ICU with the MRSA staff infection. Most of that time he was in ICU I was in the hospital at 8 a.m. and would sit in the room and watch him. I made sure they kept up on his pain meds, and made myself a general nuisance asking questions and asking more questions about the answers to the previous questions. 

Me - feeling like a hero after breaking Dad out of rehab

That said, today I became a sort of hero (my personal feeling). I picked Dad up from the rehab center to take him home. Of course, we didn't end up going straight home - we had to go to get him a haircut, a bagel and groceries (the bagel was of utmost importance). He was happy, he laughed, joked and carried on. He was thrilled about the new "papa bear" chair we got him and was excited to be able to sleep in a bed that he fit in and that doesn't have a squeeky mattress.

However -

Mom - 

In all this time with Dad being hospitalized Mom has been trying to keep up with everything, work and be supportive. In the midst of all that HER back has now flipped out. The MRI yesterday showed a severely herniated disc at L3. So...when I went to pick up Dad from rehab I delivered Mom....to be left...in Dad's (former) room....for rehab. 

Me - feeling like a loser after leaving Mom

She was was not happy. I carried her suitcase in and set it next to her and said...."see ya later." Yeah, at that point I felt like a real heel. I'd been dragging her around to doctors for the past 2 days trying to get things figured out. The MRI was an un-fun process for her, she was in pain, she wasn't safe at home, and as a family, we just weren't able to care for her like she needed.

I know that I'm probably not the first person to have to deal with this, but it doesn't make it any better.

I'm tired and conflicted and I just needed to vent. I'm not diggin' this whole being the oldest kid, having to worry over your parents thing. I appreciate all the help we've been getting, from other family members and the wonderful neighbors that my parents have. There are some great people in this world, I only hope I can be so kind and generous one day....but today isn't it...heh.

So, my label today.... Heel and Hero

Here we are - again.

For those of you who have not been part of my life for the last three months - a brief overview.

My Dad, Milt, had a fluke thing happen to him on May 17th. What we initially thought was a stroke turned out to be his thoracic spine (T 7/8 to be exact) literally cutting into his spinal cord. A major surgery was undertaken about a week later. The surgery went well, but the MRSA resistant staff infection attacked his right lung - sending him back to ICU at the hospital after only being in the rehab unit for 14 hours.

After fighting for his life for a few weeks in ICU he returned to rehab - where he's been for the past 5 weeks. Tonight, we're back in the emergency room - pain in the lung, and a little difficulty breathing. So here we are. We've taken over "our" corner in the ER waiting area, again, tho we are a bit short on our usual treats, we have our e-readers, cell phones and computers. They've become a staple when the call comes in to head to the hospital for something.

Jeff is sketching stuff for woods, Gary and Joel are listening to mash-ups and I'm blogging (conveniently out of the picture), whilst Dad is being wheeled about to CT and xray and being all sorts of poked and prodded -  yet again. At least this time around he's coherent and joking a bit.

The IMC is a nice hospital, and they have a pretty decent cafeteria - the onion rings are awesome!

I've seen a few things over the past three months being in and out of here with Dad.

First, there are lots of people and they all deal with tragedy and pain in different ways. Some are quiet and you hardly know they're there. Others are vocal, impatient, and downright mean - which is hard for me to listen to - I know its difficult, but I've never seen any of this hospital staff not doing their best to make things better for those in the ER area. Still others whimper and moan, trying to be brave but they're just not able to pull it off. Some joke and laugh, others are social with those sitting around them.

Next, people are fragile. There are lots of things that people come to the ER for. I watched a very drunk woman come in looking for her son that had overdosed, also a man who had been cleaning his hand gun with a bullet through his hand - the nurses called the police in on that one. In one room was a man who had been playing a neighborhood type game of basketball and had been purposely tripped and kicked about the head because he was 6'8" and his team was winning. It find it amazing that we live through these things. Whether it be a little germ that takes over your body and turns it against you, or being thrown head first through a car windshield.

Another thing is that the ER makes us sit back and wait, and listen. Patience is necessary, like it or not. I have spent more time in the last three months sitting, observing and listening than I have in a long time. I've learned that sitting close to the door of the room and listening to what happens in the hallway often gets you information you wouldn't know otherwise, and that asking to see the xray, ct scan and blood numbers every day is very telling - even as a non-medically trained person.

Last, is that asking questions makes some professionals act a bit put out; but if I've waited hours for them to come tell me something then I'm going to find out, as completely and thoroughly as I can what it is they have figured out - to the last detail -  and then I'll have them tell me again so I understand completely. I think that if they're getting paid like they are and they make me wait for hours on end, I'm going to drain them of every last bit of information they can show and tell me.

So, its 10:55pm, we're going on 5 hours and counting now - the blood pressure cuff is filling again, Dad has started telling jokes and is trying to get comfortable, the baby in the next room has stopped whimpering for a minute.....here we are...again.

My outdoors

Well, a few posts ago I showed you our new box garden thingys - I wasnt too convinced about the whole process initially, nothing seemed to be growing very well. I'm now wondering if it didnt have more to do with the weather conditions than the box deal - anyway - here are pictures of the current garden situation.

If you look back on my previous garden post you'll see the difference :) Its been a long time since I HAVEN'T had tomatoes by the middle of July, but really, I think the cool, wet weather did me in this year.

My pond has also started looking good - I keep adding fish, I lost so many this winter. I'll try and get some pictures of them later. But, I have my older generation that are about 6" long, the group I put in sometime in April are about 2-3" long. The group I put in 3 weeks ago and the teeny guys I dumped in last week aren't too much different from each other, maybe a 1/2" difference. I'm hoping to get my population up.

The main pump decided to go out on us last week, so we replaced it on Saturday. The new one is awesome! I dont know that I've seen the water so clear!

I'm waiting for the newest lily to bloom - its red! I'm so excited. My pinks and yellows have been doing well though.

Oh, I also planted a new herb last year - bee balm - its doing well this year. It has a great smell, but I didn't realize that it flowered - check this out.

The blooms are REALLY pink - almost fuschia.

Ok, I know, I'm a nerd, but I love planting. I wish my herb garden was more extensive, I'm learning so much about herbs and what they can do - its really interesting (to me anyway).

Ok, thats all for now. Grow on!

Crossing Party Lines

I am a music teacher....I live in my little end of the building, quite happy and often times blissfully oblivious of things going on elsewhere in a couple of rather large high schools.

Because of my introverted nature (I know some of you are laughing at that statement) I'm often accused of being cold and distant and sometimes downright scary. I've come to accept that. Its how I am. I learned to observe and listen, before opening my mouth, a long time ago.

Four weeks ago the Central Utah Writing Project began, I was thrust so far out of my comfort zone that I couldn't even see the border of where my happy place was! I was a music teacher in a room full of English, Language Arts, and other "core" teachers. I had to remind myself that I wanted this. I had applied and committed to it - after the first day I came home and nearly cried.

Diligently I went to class, every morning. At 7:40 I would walk out the door and drive to American Fork with the little voice in my head saying, "you shouldnt be doing this, its out of your league, how could you ever hope to be a writer or do anything effective (thanks Jon) with your students." Every morning I arrived my name tag was shifted to a different table. Every morning I cringed as I sat down among a new group hoping people wouldn't think I was dumb, refusing to be very social, lest I open my mouth and remove all doubt.

I think it was the second or third day of class we scribbled about poetry. After we scribble the floor is open for sharing, I raised my hand - what the hell was I thinking??? Too late now. My heart was pounding so hard I couldn't breathe. I started reading. At one point it became emotional, I couldn't talk, I swallowed, I kept going, my voice cracking. They clapped and the facilitator asked "anyone else?" I distinctly remember Kristin saying "How are we supposed to follow that??" Thank you Kristin. That was all I needed, and that statement came to mean more as I got to know this amazing woman - her classes at Provo High must be awesome!

That was that day that my anthology piece was written. I ended up changing very little about it, it just came. I appreciate Jenna, Heidi and Teri helping me make it perfect, you guys were great.

My demo lesson had me panicked too. The day before I was to present I went to Karen and nearly broke down - I knew it was going to be just dumb compared to the other lessons that had been presented.  I kept wishing I could bring one of my groups in and just run a rehearsal so these people could see that I wasn't a complete idiot, that I (mostly) knew how to teach.

I gave my lesson, I know it wasn't great, but I made it through.

In one of our discussions the topic of mode and genre was addressed. I thought about this on the way home after our last day of class. What genre am I? Where would I be cataloged? Where would my fellows be cataloged? Would they be cataloged with me? Or would I be the lone book on the outskirts of the CUWP shelf?

Educator > Music > Orchestra
Educator > Public > Music > Strings
CUWP > Educator > Public > Music > Strings

Was there another way?
Educator > Writer > Musician

Or should it be the other way around?
Musician > Writer > Educator

I know that I could be shelved in any of the following ways:
I am an educator, period. I teach many things whether I like it or not.
I am a musician. It is who I am, not just what I do.
I am a writer. It is part of who I am as well, I'd forgotten about that part of me, its been buried a long time, but I enjoy it and I am going to strive to bring that part of me back into being.

I liked crossing party lines and hanging out with the English-y crowd. (and the history and geography guys and spec ed and even the psychologist!!)

I'm not sure that I have a specific mode or genre, I'm not sure where you would catalog me in the bookstore. Maybe I'd be in several different places so several different types of people could find me - but that would be ok by me, it means I would have that many more friends, resources, helps, and encouragement in that many more facets of my life.

Thanks, CUWP fellows - or should I say -  family.

Yucca

I really hate it when it gets hot in the summer, so I've really enjoyed the cool temps and rain that ushered in this season. One bonus of this wet spring/summer is that my Yucca plant decides to bloom. It bloomed once a couple of years ago with a single tall stem. 

This year it put up three stems - the tallest of which was close to 6.5' tall. They bloomed out a couple of days ago - I love it!

I don't really enjoy being out in the heat, but I enjoy what the heat does with my flowers. One more lesson about how "taking heat" sometimes brings out the more beautiful things of the world, and while this may not last for long, its lovely for as long as it lasts.

Memorial Day Weekend

Its been a VERY crazy couple of weeks. We've had a bit of a scare with Dad - initially thinking his collapse at work was a stroke, only to discover it was not - however - his spinal cord had nearly been severed due to a disc and bone spurs at T7/8. This was something the doctors rarely see, so it took a few days to nail down the problem.

Dad had major surgery on Thursday (May 26th) to, hopefully, make this better. The last few post-surgery days have not been great for him, he is in a lot of pain, with two tubes in his chest helping to drain fluid. The surgery went in from the front and cut around toward his back, they had to separate ribs and do a lot of moving around of his insides. It looks like he may be a while in the hospital, life is never dull is it?

We went to the cemetery today to put flowers on McBride's and Baumgart's graves

It seems strange to only go to one cemetery after so many years of going to 6 or 7, when we would go to Idaho. Oh, we had a funny moment (which wasn't so funny AT the moment). Josh, wanting to get in the car pulled the lock open while he was standing on the outside - the alarm went off. We dont have a key fob for the Jeep and Gary starting the car didn't stop the alarm. We had to get under the hood and start pulling fuses to get it stopped. Then, it wouldn't let us start the car. I got on my phone and looked up how to disarm the alarm via google. Sadly it took us 45 minutes to do it!! HA!

I've started working on the stencil in our room.....

I've never done a stencil that has overlays - Its going to take a number of days to do, but thats ok, it will keep me busy when school gets out this week. I guess that is all for now!! Enjoy your weekend!

Gardening

Oh my goodness....we spent all weekend building square foot garden boxes and filling them. Everything hurts! Gary got an entire truck load of compost -we shoveled till we were blue!

 

 Dont they look cool!!

The compost we didnt use in the garden beds went up behind the pond - I don't know that I've ever moved that much dirt in my life! But the yard sure looks good - now I just have to hope that nothing freezes in the next couple of nights :)

State and Snow

We had region orchestra festival this past week, I wasn't so sure about my group - but they pulled it off, two one's and a one minus, which means we are going to state!!

And look at what we woke to this morning!

Yup, about 4 inches of new (lake effect) snow. Totally unexpected, and totally gone by about 3 o'clock this afternoon. Which kinda put the kibosh on getting the garden ready to go...oh well, maybe later this week. Instead, we went and worked at granny's, cleaning out a closet. Joel and Jeff hit the jackpot, sorta....

New hair....wow..

They came across an entire BOX with inexpensive wigs, hair pieces, ponytails and braids! All courtesy of The Paris Company. Never a dull moment! After working at Grans we went and watched Reilly dance at her competition - she and Shayla won their division!!! They were awesome - shook their hips and did their thing - It was fun to see her and Kelly even if it was only for about an hour.

Well, I've been fighting a cold for the better part of a week so I'm heading for bed. Enjoy your weekend!

Easter

Well...we survived Easter weekend - I even convinced everyone to color eggs!! Tho I think they thought I was kinda lame....one day they'll understand :)

I got my room painted. It looks really nice, if I do say so myself - now to stencil! The stencil pattern arrived on Saturday, it has 4 different overlays. I've never done a stencil with overlays, so it could be interesting. I'll have to try it on some paper first, to get my colors how I want them.

In process of painting my room I broke my little toe  - caught it up in the plastic on the floor - so dumb, but boy, oh boy, the colors my toe is turning are just cool! I also seem to have caught a cold, joy. So I get to head back to school tomorrow sniffling and snorting.

We have orchestra festival this week too, I'm a little nervous about the performance, I guess we'll see how it goes. That's all for today!

I'm gonna give this a try...

Hi all - I think I'm going to try and mess with this blog thing some.
Its been an interesting few weeks - first - I got married on April 1st! I married the best man that has ever lived (no, I'm not biased at all), but just meet him and you'll see.

This week has been a bit strange, we started it out with a bomb scare at school. We spent 3.5 hours locked down in the big gym with 1300 high school students. The kids were all great, annoyed, but great. It was crazy, the bomb squad came and blew the package apart with their water cannon thing and then we were all sent back to class. Education...never a dull moment.

I'm painting my..oops, our, bedroom and I'm doing a new border stencil on it, I'm kind of excited to see how it turns out, I'll post pictures when I get it finished - it will be a week or two I'm sure.

I think everyone will be home for Easter weekend, looking forward to that. Ok...more to come later!