That call never came. The call that DID come said, "Hi, we would like to make an appointment for you to visit with the Dr." Long story short, the disc is impinging on the nerve bundles that run to my arms and on my spinal cord. The Doctor said I could go the drugs and therapy route, long term, if I wanted, but eventually it would come down to surgery and sooner would be better than later.
I was looking at the MRI. I could see it. Little bulges of white into the long black and white striated spinal column. Millimeters of disc causing hours, days, weeks, months of constant pain; nights where the only thing asleep were my hands and arms, and making a few ounces of lifting feel like pounds - millimeters....it wasn't right.
During the 6 weeks since that appointment I have been coming to the realization that being pain free as a musician, for the rest of my career, is most likely a long shot. I am resigning myself to the fact that the viola may become an instrument only to be played for short quartet gigs and light concerts; that I may never have the physical stamina to learn and play the Mendelssohn violin concerto (I never learned it in my younger days), and that to continue to play is going to take a concerted effort on my part to find teachers, methods and music that will allow me to tollerate whatever playing I decide I want to do.
I've already made some strides toward that end - it's called; Baroque music.
Smaller orchestra, less (physical) intensity, less shifting, chinless playing, instrument size variation, bow length difference, new sounds, composers to discover, style difference, rhetoric - doesn't it sound like an awesome adventure?
Here is one picture of the changes I'm making.
She is currently a work in progress.
She has a history of performing (but I'm not sure what it is.)
She has some damage.
She is the sum of her parts.
Some of her new parts are hers through the generosity and skill of others.
She will need continued maintenance.
She will be whole again.
Isn't she BEAUTIFUL?!
Some of you are probably looking at her thinking....psh...she's old and in pieces, how good can she be?? I'll tell you exactly how good she can be -
She can and WILL be as good as she was meant to be! She is in the hands of a master luthier who has studied his craft and knows her, inside and out. She was created to be something special, with a purpose - now that purpose is to become the perfect instrument to facilitate the desires of a musician......
.....a work in progress
.....with a performance history (she will never forget)
.....who has damage
.....who is the sum of her parts
.....who will have new parts that are made possible through the generosity of someone else
.....who will need maintenance
......who will be whole...again.
How good can I be? That will depend on me finding my purpose again...I think she and I might do well finding our "purpose" together - stay tuned........
