Pages

Sunday, February 12, 2012

You gotta know the territory!! A commentary on laptops and .45s

I'm one of thousands who have watched the viral video of the Dad who shot up his daughter's laptop due to her, shall we say, indiscretion on facebook  (I will not re-post the video here due to vulgarity). I know that many of you have strong feelings in both positive and negative directions about the way this was handled - that said, some of you will agree with me and others of you, well, we will just have to agree to disagree.

I think we hasten to judgement on a situation to which we have very little background knowledge. What do we know? We know that this young lady has a history of internet trouble with regard to what her parents allow. We know what she posted about her parents. We know Dad's feelings on the matter. We know what the outcome of her disobedience was.

Now, because we all come from different places, with different experiences and values we each put our own spin on what we thought would have been more appropriate, some of us have applauded what was done and have taken notes in the margins of our parenting "how-to" manual, just in case, while others are condemning the man's actions as over the top or inappropriate.

Here is my spin.

Children are to be respectful of their elders 

You can call me old fashioned, you can call me repressive or a stick in the mud - but this is something that needs to be continually taught and reinforced.
      Kids talk and "dis" on their parents, even the good kids...even on good parents. I know this how? I hear it almost every day. Every child has problems with the adults in their life; it's the nature of people being with people. However, if you think that children are more disrespectful of their elders now than they were in years past - think again.

I found this bit from the Pew Research Center as part of a report exploring the Millennials:

They get along well with their parents. Looking back at their teenage years, Millennials report having had fewer spats with mom or dad than older adults say they had with their own parents when they were growing up. And now, hard times have kept a significant share of adult Millennials and their parents under the same roof. About one-in-eight older Millennials (ages 22 and older) say they’ve “boomeranged” back to a parent’s home because of the recession. (See chapters 3 and 5 in the full report)
They respect their elders. A majority say that the older generation is superior to the younger generation when it comes to moral values and work ethic. Also, more than six-in-ten say that families have a responsibility to have an elderly parent come live with them if that parent wants to. By contrast, fewer than four-in-ten adults ages 60 and older agree that this is a family responsibility.


     Kids will always have problems with authority, but they are not ALL rebellious, horrid, and undisciplined.

Kids are kids. They are not the parent. 

What they are asked to do and be responsible for in a family situation is the domain of the family - it is not our place to judge what they are asked to do - with the caveat that if the deed is of a violent or evil nature, certainly it is not appropriate. But keeping up house, doing chores and little services for those you live with is not disproportionate to the state of most any family.

As a parent, talking only goes so far - especially at a time in society where all we do is "hear" stuff. 

We hear government say they'll do this - but it never happens. We hear people threaten, but they never follow through. Its like the little boy crying wolf, just to see if he can get a rise out of the towns people.
     To all the people that think that reasoning and talking to their kids is the only way to go...I beg to differ. Every kid is different, and surely every kid is not going to respond to a parent kindly sitting them down and giving them a heart to heart over every mistake or stupid action that they make.
     Kids "hear" stuff - all day - all the time. Music, talk, chat, video, sometimes the only way to get through to them is for them to actually HAVE a physical experience. There is so much virtual, so much talk that they come to a point where they are beyond feeling or even understanding unless they actually experience something.
      Ask a person who is a "cutter" why they do it? Often times it is so they can "feel." Granted, that is an extreme case, but hopefully you get the drift of my point. Talk does not experience make.
      In the opening scene of the music man the salesmen on the train go on and on about how things are changing and how you can talk and talk and talk but its different than it was - and that you've "gotta know the territory!" As parents we need to know the territory and there are times when we can talk all we want, but it isn't going to make much difference.



What good is being a parent if you don't follow through on what you say?

Your job is to PARENT not be a "friend"
Dad with the .45 didn't seem disproportionately angry or upset for the severity of the situation. This was not a first offense for this young lady, and the previous course of action taken by the parents didn't deter her from continuing her inappropriate behavior.
     While some think it was not the appropriate course of action, it was, on his part, a follow through on the course of action he had decided upon and warned his daughter about. We just don't know, maybe when it came right down to it he may not have wanted to do what he said he was going to do - maybe he thought "wow, I am really going to have to do that now...dang." He was brave enough to do what he said he was going to do and be the parent.
So, there it is. I guess in this world of being able to see what everyone else does, almost as they do it (Think about Fahrenheit 451), we need to realize that (most of the time) we don't know the WHOLE situation behind the three minute video we are viewing. We are welcome to our own way of doing things but should not be too quick to judge the way others do things. It all goes back to one of the last lines in the scene above.....

YOU GOTTA KNOW THE TERRITORY!!!