It has been three of the longest days I think I've ever had. I come to the end of today totally conflicted.
Dad -
Its been 12 weeks and one day since Dad went to the hospital. He doesn't remember a lot of that time (about 3 or 4 weeks according to him). I think a lot of the time he doesn't recall is the time he spent in ICU with the MRSA staff infection. Most of that time he was in ICU I was in the hospital at 8 a.m. and would sit in the room and watch him. I made sure they kept up on his pain meds, and made myself a general nuisance asking questions and asking more questions about the answers to the previous questions.
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| Me - feeling like a hero after breaking Dad out of rehab |
That said, today I became a sort of hero (my personal feeling). I picked Dad up from the rehab center to take him home. Of course, we didn't end up going straight home - we had to go to get him a haircut, a bagel and groceries (the bagel was of utmost importance). He was happy, he laughed, joked and carried on. He was thrilled about the new "papa bear" chair we got him and was excited to be able to sleep in a bed that he fit in and that doesn't have a squeeky mattress.
However -
Mom -
In all this time with Dad being hospitalized Mom has been trying to keep up with everything, work and be supportive. In the midst of all that HER back has now flipped out. The MRI yesterday showed a severely herniated disc at L3. So...when I went to pick up Dad from rehab I delivered Mom....to be left...in Dad's (former) room....for rehab.
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| Me - feeling like a loser after leaving Mom |
She was was not happy. I carried her suitcase in and set it next to her and said...."see ya later." Yeah, at that point I felt like a real heel. I'd been dragging her around to doctors for the past 2 days trying to get things figured out. The MRI was an un-fun process for her, she was in pain, she wasn't safe at home, and as a family, we just weren't able to care for her like she needed.
I know that I'm probably not the first person to have to deal with this, but it doesn't make it any better.
I'm tired and conflicted and I just needed to vent. I'm not diggin' this whole being the oldest kid, having to worry over your parents thing. I appreciate all the help we've been getting, from other family members and the wonderful neighbors that my parents have. There are some great people in this world, I only hope I can be so kind and generous one day....but today isn't it...heh.
3 comments:
I am SO sorry you are having to deal with so many difficult challenges right now. And I think the up-and-down emotions take their own toll. You think you should be happy, but you feel guilty about it because of the other issues. Please know that people who care about you are sending strong, happy thoughts your way and think you are great. And we pray, too, for you.
It will get better. e-hug from me, but don't squeeze too hard, cuz I threw out my back too.
You are not a heel. A real heel would have left mom at home where she was happier but NOT SAFE!!!! It takes a Hero to admit a parent can get better care somewhere else!!! WAY TO GO!!!
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