How great is your want?

How great is your want?

I've been reflecting, with some amount of dismay and horror, on the events of the past few days. The immigrant caravan that arrived at the US border to request asylum being refused entry as the border was shut down, then responding in panic as they felt their chances at a new life were going to be completely unattainable.

First, let me say this, I am no advocate of violence, however, I do understand the fear factor when you are so close and realize that something you want may suddenly be out of reach and out of your control. While I have never been denied something like my freedom, I have had physical limitations placed upon me that have completely denied my ability to do something that I have desperately wanted and desired. The frustration is infuriating. There is nothing you can do. Depression, meanness, hatred, jealousy, grief - all present; and all of these emotions for something not nearly as life-changing as obtaining a fresh chance at a new life away from oppression and grief that I'm sure most of us could never understand.

With all that said I try to understand, and maybe slightly comprehend, the lashing out, the rock throwing, the desperate dash for the border and the subsequent retaliation that came from that reaction.

As I was getting ready to go to work this morning I took a warm shower, washed my hair, used soap, shampoo, conditioner, a clean towel, put on clean clothes, used my blowdryer, and warmed my toes by my dog who had hunkered down in front of the heat vent next to me in the bathroom. I thought about those people who had given up perhaps this very same scenario to pursue a safer, better place. I almost felt ashamed to be doing what I was doing - just doing what I did every morning!

Then the parallel hit me:

I opened my tablet and looked through the pictures of Black Friday shoppers, shoving their way, pushing, running, to get what they wanted so badly. Where was the tear gas? Where was security? No, they were just allowed to run rough-shod over whomever to get to that ONE thing that they wanted - TV? Blue-ray? Gaming system? No one stopped them, no one denied them, they reached their goal (some of them) then paid and left the store. Wait...really? You had to BE THERE to get that one thing you wanted? You had to push and shove and work and maybe even run??

I opened my tablet and looked through the pictures of the immigrants on Sunday, shoving their way, pushing, running, to get what they wanted so badly. Tear gas. Security. They were not allowed to run rough-shod over the border to get to that ONE thing they wanted - freedom? Happiness? Quiet, violence-free life? They were stopped, denied, and none (that moment) reached their goal to apply for asylum and leave a horrible place behind. Wait...really? They have to BE THERE to get that one thing they want? They had to push and shove and work and maybe even run??

My stomach dropped  - there is nothing I can do but watch and hope that the law will be followed and those who come will be granted the time and ability to make application for the thing they want so much, so desperately that they would walk thousands of miles, leave behind everything they know and so many people that they love to obtain that one thing.

It makes black Friday a farce, a twisted parallel in my comfortable, white, middle-class, life.

Perhaps I am too sympathetic, but I would rather be accused of loving and desiring the well-being of others too much than being called out as one who denied someone in need. Why can't we all just follow the rules? Allow others to follow them - how is it our right to deny someone when they are only attempting to go through the process that has been laid out before them?

I do not have answers, I can't even come up with a good way to be of help - which is also incredibly frustrating! All I can do is ask for the same patience and fairness that I have been shown for most of my life. Avoid the violence, apply the law, alleviate suffering, allow for time, assure that all things will be done in fairness and love, accept the outcome and move forward.

So again I ask, how great is your want?

I learned

This is what I did yesterday afternoon, after Pre-ACT testing and before rehearsal.....

I learned how to pack a gunshot or stab wound with clotting gauze. Did you know they make a special gauze that has a clotting agent in it to help stop bleeding? I didn't, until yesterday.

I learned how to apply two different types of tourniquet to stop bleeding. The blue one is easier, it has velcro and something to actually twist.

I learned that blood bubbling from a chest wound probably means a lung puncture and to use the sticky pad to cover and seal it. Oh, don't forget to check the back, in case the bullet went all the way through -- and if there's too much blood for the pad to stick use your shirt to wipe the blood off - if you have nothing else.

I learned that 20 year veterans of the WJ FD/EMT can look and sound kind of callous when they're teaching this stuff.

I learned that wrapping an arm wound and not checking the rest of the body for other wounds doesn't do the patient a lot of good - I mean, if they're bleeding from the bullet hole in their groin wrapping the bullet hole on their arm isn't really going to save them.

I learned how concerned 20 year veterans of the WJ FD/EMT can look and sound when a call comes in and they have to go.

I learned that I won't have time to save everyone. If there is no pulse and they're not breathing they're dead, move on; even if it is one of your favorite students.

And then I got up this morning......and learned (again) why I learned what I did yesterday.

Eyes

Who is walking out today?

I want to.....

Eyes plead with me. Live eyes. Living eyes, eyes with expression and liquid that when it catches the light just right makes them shimmer. 

I won't mark you truant.

Eyes shine! Living, alive eyes.

Serious???

      Serious.

Eyes in color travel to the shirt sitting next to shining eyes...it reads,

"you want it, come get it"

The AR-15 in white screen print.

Eyes, intent, look panicked. Have you been stopped by security?

No.....

Eyes open, ripple, shocked!

They haven't made you change??

     I won't either.

Eyes flick to and fro and watch the clock.

tick...tick...tick....

10 am. 

     Eyes look around and walk.

10:17 am

     Eyes return....thinking.

Eyes...doubting.

What do you REALLY think, Ms. B? 

Eyes can't lie, not to them.

Eyes know honesty, fairness, truth. They gleam and shine and trust!

Eyes, in the quiet of my office, cry.