Rockin' life

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about rocks. 

Yep, rocks.

This probably stems from the fact that I’ve spent the last week riding around the desert southwest on the Colorado Plateau looking at, well….rocks.

Rocks seem to be something everyone wants to see.

Don’t believe me? 

How many visitors to the Grand Canyon are there every single year? And what are they looking at? A hole in the ground that the river carved through - rocks

              Bryce canyon, hoodoos = rocks

                  Arches national park, the Arch = rock

           City of Rocks preserve – um…yeah…rocks

When I was at the Grand Canyon I seldom heard the English language, most of the languages I heard were from Europe or Asia that said, what do Americans go to Europe and Asia to see? 

Castles, churches, walls, statues – 

       

all made of….....wait for it….ROCK!

When I was little I used to “collect” rocks. I’d go out in my backyard and sift through the dirt and sand and find what I felt were the most beautiful rocks ever seen! Most of them were granite or quartzite and they sparkled a little and had bumpy black flecks that made each piece unique.

Every little girl looks forward to that one special rock. Funny thing I found out, if you have to get rid of it the thing isn’t worth the paper its value is written on and getting rid of it is next to impossible.

It is possible to deface, damage, and ruin rock. Sometimes it takes effort and other times all it takes is a small bump. 

We talk about “rock” solid relationships and “rock” solid friendships. The truth of the matter is that "rock" solid depends on what kind of “rock” those things are built upon.

Is it metamorphic?

                    Igneous?

                         Sedimentary? 

                       

                     How did your “rock” solid start?                      How has it changed?

Rock changes. It does! I swear! Not like trees or flowers that change with the seasons, no. Rocks change on a much larger, longer, more permanent scale and that change is largely determined by the environment the rock is in.

A rock that is in a river or stream can be bounced and jostled through the water to a clean, cool, glassy smoothness.

A rock that is under a glacier is cracked and popped apart and ground down, the force exuded upon it leaving it in smaller and smaller jagged pieces.

A rock that is porous, like limestone and sandstone can have holes worn through it by water and wind. Sometimes when you look at that rock you won't even know the holes are there until you step hard and fall through or tap the rock and hear the hollow ring coming from inside.

Lava is molten rock that has welled up from inside and exploded onto the surface to harden and create a new landscape, usually destroying anything in its path.

Granite, marble, jade and bedrock take significantly more time to bend to the outside forces that work upon it and changes are not seen nearly as obvious to those who are only here for, in rock years,  the blink of an eye.

Let’s face it, no matter how “rock” solid that one thing is in your life it will change.

 Maybe it will change quickly and smoothly. Perhaps it will be put under such pressure that it has to crack, or something will wear through it unnoticed until such a time as the surface is worn so thin that it has to give, leaving a big hole, or maybe it will explode and harden around you.

Even if we feel that we are made of the hardest rock out there, whether we realize it or not, there are outside forces changing us. Most of the time we can’t see those changes until the passage of time has left its mark and we look back at what we were, then look at what we’ve become.

What do we do to each other? We like to look, peer, gaze, study, especially when we've been apart for a long time what do we hear? 

"OH!! You've changed so much!" or "OH!! You haven't changed a bit!"

Often the problem we have with looking at each other in brief snippets of time - is that we don't have the luxury of having the NPS post signs at each of our erosion or changing areas

 "Caution! Revegetation in progress, do not walk!" or "Caution! Weak cliff edge, do not pass this point!"

And, often unknowingly, we cause damage to someone who is eroding, being crushed, or ready to explode and harden. We would do well to stand back and look at where we are going to tread before taking a step, or even better, step back and thoughtfully admire whoever it is we're looking at and then not step at all.

No two rocks are the same, different rocks react differently to the various forces exuded upon it. It is up to us to read some signs, appreciate what we see and  - 

We certainly do not want to be the person who destroys the Grand Canyon or defaces DaVinci's David! So why would we ever want to harm another person? 

"A smart person knows what to say. A wise person knows whether or not to say it."

Clearing for Joy

I know many of you hate this kind of introduction, but I've found as I read and learn that many times the words we use on a daily basis we don't truly know the meaning or definition of and for me, it helps to clarify things if I seek out the actual dictionary meaning (and sometimes the origin) of a word, so, bear with me. 

Define the word Joy. 

     The Oxford dictionary defines Joy as:

NOUN: A feeling of great pleasure and happiness:

Now, one step further, define Great.

     Back to Oxford: Great

ADJECTIVE: Of an extent, amount, or intensity considerably above the normal or average:

In the Book of Mormon (click here if you'd like to learn more about this book), we are told in the book of 2 Nephi 2:25

           "......and men are, that they might have joy."

What brings you joy? Think about this for a few minutes before you continue reading, go ahead, I'll wait............

Many of you know that for the last few years that I have been struggling, physically, with my career as a musician. The overarching problem has been constant pain stemming from a number of different and compounding injuries. 


Almost 4 years ago I had my second cervical fusion. The inside of me essentially looks like this (this isn't me, but it's pretty much the same). I have a metal plate holding a pair of my vertebra together and the pair above is fused with bone from my hip. This particular area in our neck is where most of the nerves that take care of our shoulders, arms, and hands are bundled through and proceed to where they eventually terminate.



One year ago I had surgery to correct a nerve compression in my right arm (radial tunnel syndrome) and as I have worked on my recovery in the last year, it has proven to have been a successful surgery. 

In the interim, I've fought some tennis elbow and other tendonitis issues in my thumb, but today, after therapy, cortisone, and lots of rest, I'm able to get up in the morning and not have any pain in my hands and arms.

This process of becoming pain-free has not only included MD's, PT's, and OT's but also an acupuncturist, herbalist, Alexander method teacher, and now a private violin teacher. 

About two months ago I came to the obvious conclusion that the only way I was ever going to play again was to re-learn how to play and be accountable to someone, so I made the call. John was the teacher I learned from some 17 years ago upon my return to Utah. I was suffering then too and finding a teacher whose method focused on pain-free playing was vital - John was the man. It was humbling to make that call but I knew I had to do it. 

The first couple of lessons were review; mentally, egoistically, painful review. 

After the second lesson I knew that I had to be all in, there could be no part way here or I will never return to performing. That meant violin in hand 15 minutes at a time, then lay on the floor, mentally review, get up, do something else for a couple of hours, another 15 minutes, lay on the floor, review.....

I tried to beg off the next lesson but he insisted that for my progress I needed to be there. 

I went. 
   I came home. 
       I scaled. 
           A major. 
                  3rds. 
                    lay on the floor, review, get up, do something else for a couple of hours......

Lesson time today. Pitch.
     Your instrument will tell you when you're in tune. Did you know that? 
     You keep moving forward and down. Did you know you do that? 
     Your thumb is too involved. Did you know that? 

My frustration was palpable, yes, I knew all this but it wasn't working!! As he took my instrument, pushed it up and out and made me shift from C to E something happened. He saw it in my face - 

     "Jenna," he said, " The picture you sent me with the falcon, I saw absolute joy in that picture. I think I just saw it again. Why hasn't that same joy been your face while you're playing? Why did you lose it?"

Holy schizzle!! I USED to take great joy in playing the violin......

     "Jenna, what happened?"

My mind melted around the thought of joy and playing like hot plastic wrap; what had happened? 

Playing was no joy, what was he talking about, it was a misery! Wait...was it?? For the longest time, I haven't been able to bend, straighten, shift, sit, vibrato, bow, concentrate, sleep, open doors, conduct, lift children, turn a screwdriver, tighten my bow, open a soda, or even write.

All I could do was hurt, dread, cry, fear, anguish over, and loathe picking up my instrument for any reason. 

Performing and playing, my joy had turned on me. And it had turned in such a fashion that I had forgotten that it ever was a joy. 

"I used to find joy in this...." 

           Was I telling him, or myself?

Sometimes we need to get out of our own way. We all do it - it's the whole forest for the trees thing. Often times we need to find a clearing to see what it is we're looking at. 

And that's what yesterday's lesson was, a clearing. A clearing of the idea that my joy was only pain.

As we finished the hour and 15-minute session John asked,

"So, do you hurt?"

"No."

"Are you tired?"

"No."

"Do your hands feel alive?"

"Yes."

                                                                   And with a shrug, the lesson had been learned. 

"Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are." 

                                                                                              -Marianne Williamson